"We will tear you up, take what you love, and burn it down, and burn it down."

"You might love me, but it doesn't make up for the shit you've done to me. Let me go. The books will keep me warm and the pineapple will keep me sweet. Come back when you've changed, and when you want just what I want. Come back when I don't want you anymore. Because really, my heart has gone bankrupt."

"Realize that everything you think you know is going to change. Don't expect things to stay the same forever; accept the possibility of facing the unknown and go with it. You'll be a stronger person for it."

My face is asymmetrical. My heart may be too, but it's like this that I like it. You might also like it, but it doesn't matter all that much to me. Cuz when the silence gets too loud I know all I have too do is breathe. I'm constantly giving my everything away. But I'll take your words and make them my own."This time she won't let her guard down so easily." The END.

"I hope you want to stay for a very long time, because my heart really likes you."

"Sometimes you have to forget what you want to remember what you deserve. Because you are of infinite worth." I need a new blog!
This old girl just ain't doing the trick no more and I'm getting really tired of rereading all my whiny crap. So I apologize to the few of you that do read this page, you know, for all the whiny-ness. Oh and if I ever fulfill my dreams and open a snazzy bookstore of my own I'd so call it Love & Books, unless of course a better more catchy name comes along.

Got a rock in my shoe. And I can't kick it out. Figuratively speaking of course.

I want to write an autobiography, as vain as it sounds... I want to tell my story. More than anything so that I can show my true self, messy, dirty and straight to the core. As I sit here thinking about the places I've been, I can't help but wonder about all the places that are to come. And I'm very much excited for them but I'm realizing once again that I can't rely on anyone person for consistencey, which is an extreme disadvantage but one I'm being forced to come to terms with. I'd like to clear away all my attachments, all but maybe two or three people (M&K) and just start fresh with new people and new ties and new beginnings. I'm so exhausted on being let down and I'm so horribly worn out from biting my tongue about it. It should be ok for me to let you know that I think your an asshole for not returning my call or responding to my attempt to reach out to you, unless it's convenient for you. It should be ok for me to be upset. But apparently it isn't. We (or at least I) live in a world where supressing our emotions is the norm. Communication is not welcomed unless it merely scratches the surface of the truth, to go deeper than that would just be uncomfortable. What is completely unfathomable about this for me is that we ALL want More! We all sit around, complaining about how we never really know anyone or how we thought we new them and they completly shocked us. A little secret, people rarely change. I mean the odds are seriously stacked against you, really. We are all exactly who we are, always. And everyone hides it like its a bad thing to have flaws. Hellooooo! Be real already! Tell the world who you are, show us your scars, and if the world doesn't love you for them then you know I sure as fuck will. I need a revolution. We all do, really. This society is a shit hole, and you can bet your bottem dollar that I will not be residing in California for the entirety of my life. Surely there must be more out there, otherwise why would I have thoughts like these. Arggg... I need more. I need something to hold on to.
Australia? Alaska? Washington? North Carolina?"Isn't it ironic that we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

‎"There's no such thing as the perfect soulmate. If you meet someone and you think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction, cause your soulmate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis & makes you face your shit." -Madonna ♥

"This is your life. Do what you love and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you're looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over-analyzing, all emotions are beautiful. Life is simple. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what there passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. Life is SHORT. Live your dream and wear your passion."

There are times when I doubt whether I could be happy with anyone. It's almost as if the concept is completely foreign to me. I've always gotten what I wanted, then proceeded to unveil a new want. So knowing full well of this extreme character flaw, today I thought about making a commitment to myself, to not make commitments to anyone else. Then the loneliness took over me and I felt desperate, which is obviously another one of my character flaws (I'm discovering more and more of these every day). Desperation was followed by fear or maybe driven by it, either way I was overcome with the thirst to be with my own somebody. However, this thought confirmed my first thought. I should not be looking for a somebody, I need to deal with the loneliness firstly and separately. Because even though the lack of a somebody appears to correlate with the abundance of loneliness, in reality the two are seriously unrelated. I just need to reassure the bird that we are whole and complete on our own. In other news, I am checking out and attempting to apply to 3 colleges. This is big news! The indecisive girl is finally making some decisions. San Diego State University, Cal State University of San Marcos, and Cal State University of Fullerton are all looking semi appealing to me at this point and I'm extremely excited. We'll see whats to come, but starting Friday I am going on an anti-romance kick. Maybe I'll actually start getting some things done. Conquering getting a new job is this months goal!

I must do this!

Went a little loco on Amazon today. Bought like 4 new books. Still working on the other 30 that are sitting on my bookshelf. I think I will make something tomorrow. Possibley cookies. I keep getting chills when I think about the happiness level of my life, for both good and bad reasons. Good because, uhhh well life is amazing, unusually so. Bad because, surely things cannot go on like this forever. And I'm extremely proud of myself for all the accomplishments I've made in the last month. I've found the strength to win over my curiosity and refrain from indulging in past destructive behavior. My passion still rules my world but I think it has made a dramatic change in content. I am more in love with myself and my thoughts than ever before and no one can take that from me for the very first time. All I need now is a new job and more of what I've got. Oh and I've gotta get a tatoo! Ohhhh and I want a new camera, an old school one.

It guts me to my core. All the coffee and the tea, the food, the music, the knees, the smiles and the tears. Everything. Screw you thunder! I'm out.

"Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

My Mimi died.
My Dad died.
My Austin died.
My Jared died.
Countless of my residents have died.
And the sad fact is... it's never gunna stop.
What's even worse is now I just expect it.
I'm not afraid anymore.
Talk about being callused.