Maybe we should have enjoyed it all just a little bit more. Everything is just so short lived and if I could keep it all forever you know I would but every aspect of life was designed to last only so long. Beauty, wisdom, faith, and love are not exempt from these treacherous endings. So never doubt your lovely features, read as much as humanly possible, believe whole-heartedly, and love like you'll never love again, because forever doesn't exist. It runs out just as quickly as our hearts stop beating blood through our veins. I'm gunna give this life everything I've got because any less would just be a waste.

Happy Birthday to my favorite Long Beach dweller. You are loved immensely and you deserve the loveliest of all birthday parties. So lets celebrate your second decade of life and eat some cupcakes!

I feel like sometimes things falls apart to fall together.

As you all already know I am continuously re-evaluating my life. That is no different this week. I've edited my vow and I'm on the brink of making another vow with myself, a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment... haha a get in shape vow. Oh I'm so excited for this. Last year I lost twenty pounds and I have the same goal for this year. Twenty-one pounds by the time I turn twenty one. (June 30th, 2011) Tomorrow I restart my membership to my favorite little gym and I also begin a change in my diet. So no sweets for me! And no juices! And less less fast food. Tin Lizzies will be my friend! haha Jeeps I'm so excited. I love what I am doing. I love the people I'm around and I love that I have nothing to complain about. I also love that my planner is full for the next week, including a date with my boys and the blood bank! I'm buying a new pair of Toms this week and I'm making another kinda top-secret change. ;] I'm really happy and best of all I can feel it. He's washing over me.

"It's a lot easier to be lost than found. It's the reason we're always searching and rarely discovered--so many locks not enough keys." -SD

"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying." -SD

"The truth isn't important. What you believe to be true... is everything!"

I keep smelling this smell. It's you all over and when it was really you I hated it, it got me into trouble and it trapped me in a place I hated to be. But now with this smell, I keep searching. Life is all about longing, without it we wouldn't know what means the most to us. I know you meant something and I know I meant something. "So lets call it quits and get a grip, said you wanted a solution, you just wanted to be missed."

Still going strong on my vow! Mostly for lack of opportunities to stray.

So I'm taking a vow of celibacy. Yes, that just happened. I feel good about it though. I'm so thrilled on where I am taking myself. I've missed this girl a whole lot and it was exciting to see her face in the rear view mirror tonight, smiling that familiar smile back at me. Maybe it was the oops' that undid it all. Maybe it wasn't, but my head is screwed on right now so I can't regret it. Spring semester starts tomorrow and so does my new work schedule. I honestly love it when things change.P.S. Thursday= Cupcake Day!

Maybe it's all apart of growing up. All the unfeeling. If you could take it all back would you? Do you accept the choices you've made or do you live in denial about it all. Now it's six, but it still feels like two. That's all that really mattered. My knees are hot and I feel no shame. I do it all casually because it just doesn't mean much of anything anymore. But then I wonder if it ever really did. I can be this. I can own this. Freebirdy girl welcome back. Lets hope we never lose sight of one another again. My hair is tousled and my eyes are open. I'm not worried. And everything wrong just rolls off my back. I am free!

I could have told you she would chose me. I could have bet money on it. Not because she's known me longer or loved me more. But because somewhere in this vast and empty universe, something had to even the score. You stole my heart and broke it up so when I went to put it back together, pieces were missing and I had to learn to compensate for them. So when it came time for me to be happy again with someone new, I messed it up. Then you came back and I felt whole and good again, only for you to break me once more and walk away with my best friend. That was your last straw. There's no more next time. One day I will forgive you, but we won't be friends and later you'll see how much better you could have been. And how much you had wasted away. I will love you til the day I can't love anymore, but only from a distance because up close hurts too much. It wasn't about happily ever after, it was about loyalty and love.

Remembering has always been the hardest part. So I attempt at lists and even those seem to fail me nearly every time. And I try to plan ahead and my plans always fail. It would be best if you could just wake up and do what needs to be done, instead of giving yourself time to worry and fret about how things will turn out. But if we did just wake up and do everything that we wanted to do, where would we find the information to know how to do it. That's where the problem lies. In the fear. If we knew then we'd have nothing to worry for. No risk, no doubts. It's the not knowing that holds us captive. And not just the not knowing how it will turn out but also the not knowing how to even begin. These baby steps are important.