So it's probably going to turn out badly. And I know how great that sounds at the beginning of a blog post like this, it sets you up with the impression that I am about to ramble and rant about a shit ton of nothingness that makes little to no sense to anyone but myself. But you'll continue to read because you're curious about what it is that I believe will turn out badly. So here goes... I was sweetly awoken today, at a much to early hour, by the smooth and confident voice of my out-of- reach man. This does not happen very often and after an argument like the one we'd had the previous night, it came as a shock. He swayed me into a state of forgetfulness, which I might add, he is quite remarkable at. Short lived as those moments may be, I do thrive on them. My morning phone call was followed by a pleasant long walk along-side my loving parents and a refreshing drive home with the top down on my car in the 85 degree weather. The later part of my day was spent a few towns over with my dear friend and her boyfriend and his room-mate. We swam and played and munched on fruit and brownies and drank margaritas. Then took the dogs to the dog park and came back to the house to cook a delightful dinner together. Which I think may soon be one of my favorite summer hobbies. I want to learn to cook! The night settled down with good conversation and a few laughs with a few people that I'd love to get to know a little better. Then I headed home. And just when I thought my day was over, he called. Only this time it was not the smooth and confident voice of my out-of- reach man, it was a far different voice yet still smooth and confident and somewhat out of reach though not in the same way. Perhaps a more dangerous voice but still I answered the call and chatted away, I proceeded to boast about the amazing qualities of my out- of-reach man, purposefully forgetting to mention the not so amazing qualities. I've been here, what seems like a thousand times, before. I've played the game, I've fallen for love and been broken. So tell me why? Why in any state of mind did I pick up that phone and carry on an hour conversation with the person responsible for the breaking? Don't know and I don't intend on doing it anymore often. Some things never change. But what does that really mean? Am I destined to repeat this awful self destruction over and over every 6 months for the rest of my life? Or can I take that phrase to mean something else entirely? Maybe it's true that somethings never change, i.e. he will never be a better man and we will never have a functional friendship, but maybe, just maybe, I can change.