I want to turn my blog into a novel. Or possibly an autobiography, but then really... who would read such a thing? I just enjoy, so much, sitting here and reading back to the start of the year. I was someone else entirely then and when I read these posts that are so profound I can't help but feel as though I am kindling something deep inside my core. I would love more than anything else to give that feeling to someone else. A gift that cannot be wrapped or taken back. What a concept, huh?

I am an active adult now. Being twenty-one makes you active, not paying your own bills or working two jobs while you try to balance school, family and a boyfriend (unfortunately maintaining a social life with your friends may be too much to ask for though.) But I'm finding more and more every day that I am not so concerned with the way others see me anymore. You don't stress the little things and you accept that the people and the things in your life that are gone, are never coming back. And you learn to grieve them properly as oppose to when you were young. When you thought that anything was possible and fairy tales do come true. They don't. You make things happen, there is no magical mystery to it. The concept of change bares a new meaning to us all as adults. We know that most things are impermanent and everything takes work. Hard work and usually it is not worth it. However, on the rare occasions when you look at your man and he sees you, I mean really sees you and knows just what you are feeling because he is feeling the very same thing... that's when it pays off. Every time you bit your tongue or kissed him when all you wanted to do was punch him. Or the times when you put his needs first and let go of your previous plans or expectations. Really that's what growing up is all about. Having grit. Persistence. Pushing through the shit to get to the happy ending. Giving everything you've got when you feel like you just can't take one more step. It's a different kind of fulfillment you feel on these occasions. Satisfaction. I'm not thirsty anymore. No, nothing is perfect, there are flaws and cracks in my life still but they are part of the beauty. I appreciate these imperfections, they remind me of how blessed I have been to have all that I have.

"What would you do today if you knew you wouldn't fail?"
"Now go out and do it."