“Hey, could we do that again? I know we havent met, but I dont want to be an ant. You know? I mean, its like we go through Life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Heres your change." "Paper or plastic? "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I dont want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I dont want to give that up. I dont want to be ant, you know?”
- Waking Life

"Goodnight, Baby"

I still dream about you. Running into your arms with that feeling of comfort knowing that no matter how far I jump you will catch me before I hit the ground. I scream out your name in my sleep and wake with this ache in my chest. I don't pretend you're around anymore. I don't let myself look forward to the memories we could have had. And every time someone mentions death, I cry like you're leaving me all over again. I've played tough. And they'll never know you existed but I wish I could keep the shakes at bay and your whistles far from my ears. Sometimes I can still hear them and feel your callused hand on the back of my neck guiding me. And I'll never cook eggs in the microwave or eat ice cream at 3 in the morning without thinking of you. I can still see you with your shades on in the dimly lit bathroom with your music blaring loud from those speakers and your head nodding to the beat. No one will ever compare and I can never begin to explain why I could never stop or how hard it was to pretend that I was fine. You still haunt me in my sleep with those three words that keep getting harder to say: I and Love and You.

You Mean Everything to Nothing... but Me.

I don't know much
But a crutch is a crutch
If it's holding you from moving on

"Don't Go. I'll Eat You Up I Love You So!"

I've got you & You've got me.

It's easy to breathe when you've got one of these. The one person that makes you feel whole when everything else is empty. The one that picks you up when everyone else has beaten you down. And when your head is hung over a toilet bowl, she sits in the stall next to you and hands you a wet wash cloth to clean off your face. She's the one who reminds you of your amazing factor and sticks by you through every decision you make. She believes in you. And she not only understands all your silly habits, but makes them her own silly habits too. She doesn't care that you snore in your sleep or that you wear that silly mask over your eyes while you do it. She makes everything okay. She'll howl at the top of her lungs with you. She'll remind you that hookah makes you nauseous, but won't act like a mom to make you stop. She'll sit on the cold concrete with you and eat pizza while you babble your silly babble to strangers that you've already handed out nicknames to. She will wash your cavemen feet in the shower for you, when you can't remember how to balance on one foot. And she'll share her bed when it's time for a twenty minute nap. She'll take you shopping even if you don't by anything and she'll be with you even when she's talking to other people. She is in tune with your thoughts and knows how to play along with your flirty games, when you run into cute business men in Target. And she'll help you keep the friends that you make. =) She is the shit! She is your favorite person. She knows you better than the back of her hand. And she'll never let you feel like your anything less than great!

"That's All You Need!"

All I wanna do is leave

It's been so long I don't even remember why I stay.

But I do and I suffer it out each day.

"I will only break your heart & Let you down. Give you false hope. When you reach out, I will watch you fall 'til you hit your all time low. If you knew what was good for you you'd stay away from me. If you knew what was good for you you'd turn around and leave I have nothing nice to say. It comes naturally, let no one get close. I push everyone away. Keep it simple. It's just me. I'm alone. I will only break your heart. I will only let you down."

-Stacey Clarke

The Truth Keeps Getting More Expensive

Do you ever have those days where time just seems to flow at your favored pace? Where you're not rushing to be somewhere or to do something. And all the things you had planned to do just happen without effort? You wake up an hour earlier than your alarm clock but easily coax yourself back too sleep & successfully awake mere seconds before it attempts to screams that dreadful noise at you. As you watch a Mercedes blow past you in the parking structure on your way into school, it takes little effort to bite your tongue and a sad shrug does the trick. The nearly stolen parking spot slips back into your possession by what only can be described as good karma. You make it to work on time, which feels like a first. And the day goes on like this... So you face the facts that you're just fine. You're just fine.

There Once was a Tree...

Gentle... Man

I'll find you someday.

And when I do it'll all be worth it.

Do you ever feel that need for direction? That something that tells you - assures you, that the rough, bumpy, dirt road you've decided on is the right one. You said it was to find yourself. But do you ever really find yourself? And if you did, then where was it that you were hiding in the first place? I don't think we are ever searching to find ourselves. Instead maybe we're searching to find a way to define the person we already are. Because who we are has been with us all along. While you were out searching for yourself at the top of the mountain or in the love interest of the month you simpley forgot that the person you were really looking for, was in your shadow. And the funny thing about shadows is that in the dark, they're hard to see. I wonder if this will make sense to anyone. What i'm trying to say is stop looking! You are fine! You are whole and you are great. Fill yourself with the things that you can do to make you happy and look to no one else for satisfaction. Everything you need, all the strength you feel that needs to be musterd up to get you through the struggle you have found yourself in, all of that strength already lies within you. So you can play around hoping that you'll find yourself or you can look within and meditate on it 'til you realize the truth.

Make Me:Beautiful. Happy. Smart. Smooth. Strong. Flirtatious. Fearless. Incredible. Unforgettable. Invincible. Brave. Meek. A Believer. Tough. Gentle...
And Make Me Stop Loving You.

I am most definitely a content little girl today. I feel comfortable and shiny and satisfied. The way I feel with my eyes behind the camera. It all plays out in slow motion and I am a person comfortable in my own skin. Nothing can hurt me here. I am invincible. I am all knowing. I am complete. They trust me here. I trust me here. I create here. And art is followed by a simple blink in the eye of my machine. I have wings and radiant beauty here and my toes twinkle. Believe me you'll never understand this.

Brother

Feels sometimes, like it's not all a dream like maybe... just maybe I'm not crazy and you do love me, even if it's just in the amazing younger sister kinda way. The way you look at me like you've always got something to say. How you always know when I'm sad and what I want to hear. All the unexplainable inside texts that randomly reach my phone throughout the day. And the way you brush past me close enough to hear a whisper. The way you promise to protect me from any harm that may come my way. How you know I deserve it all but I'd never ask for it. And because I can make you smile on the worst conceivable day with nothing but a look. I love you still.

I'd Follow Him in My Dreams

May I please have a love like this.
One love, where the butterflies never fade.
Where your heart never fails to race,
at the sight of that grin.
Where you smile that 'happy-with-a-secret' smile,
and no one seems to know your secret, except for him.
The kind of love where you wake up every morning
to ask yourself how in the world you got to be such a lucky lady.
And if karma truly does exist,
You surely did a lot of good to deserve such a life.
Such a love.
Such a man.

How did I get so far from the road I once chose to walk?
Where love frequently traveled and in warm arms I often found myself.
When did life become more about dealing with the wounds,
than embracing the magic?
And when did I convince myself
that I deserved anything less than what I dreamed of?

Goodbye Old Friend

My heart is in my throat. It's been months but every time I hear the sirens on an engine, I feel this way. Today is worse. I can almost map out the future and the "something" that I've always labeled as a bad feeling, I am now nearly accepting as a truth. A destiny in fact. All I want to do is avoid it, but the only thing my mind allows me to think of is the people they will be coming home as. For one of them, I have already come to terms with this future. It's something he's wanted since he was little and something I knew within five minutes of meeting him. But with the other, I always believed he could be more. I saw him marrying a nice girl and being a fireman dad and building tree-houses for his kids who would be close friends with my own kids. But now that idea seems to be more of a silly dream. One of those dreams you wish you never woke from and now that you have, you want nothing more than to close your eyes and fall right back into it. But instead my reality feels like a nightmare. The need to control something takes over me. I feel as though I need to witness them trusting anything I say, but instead I fear my thoughts to become "what is the use in trying when I can save no one." They'll never listen.

"I'm sorry I hurt you,
but just remember,
You taught me how."

Janky Jonze's Jibble Jam

Red Bull. No sleep. Who are you? Make it happen. Stop it. Missing You. Never dot your eyes. Don't need you to hold me. Climb that mountain alone. It's okay to be alone. It's okay to cry, shake and dream of getting away. Stop waiting! More books. Be happy. Live here. Make the best of it. Don't let go. Just let go. KNOW that difference. Watch the movies. Make it less romantic. What is life? So kiss me hard! Anchor them. Be inspirational. Remember but don't compare. What's done is done. You can't change them. They won't believe until they believe. Ride the bike. Try something new. Stick to it. Let go. Let go. Let go. Feel your guns. Stick to your guns. Believe. Believe in you. Believe. Love. Mix it up. Break it down. Don't be broken. Be strong. So unbroken. Educate yourself. Prioritize. Don't waste time. We're all waiting for something.

"You're no good to anyone else until you're good with just you!"

"Something about this picture sums up everything you've done for me, every quote that helped me, every line that saved me, no one gets me like you do and no one has saved me quite like you have."