I'm seeing it. It's starting to make sense. Never again. It's not something I need to worry about. It's not in my hands. You can't fight for something that does not exist. And can not exist. Accept that. Accept it. You'll be a better person for it. I don't care what you believe! I care what I believe. And I do believe. When I am weak I am strong. I am so strong. Fearless. I can finally breathe.

"We can do what we want. We're gunna need to make some rules though. Keep it simple alright, no future, no names, no touching, this is not a hookup. I've got interpersonal issues. And syphilis. And the reason I chose you is cuz you're little and I do karate. This is a one day only deal."-Liv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGz3qhvgraE

"Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."♥

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

-2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Why can't you ever prove me wrong?"No Regrets. Just Love.

"I don't do relationships."
"Why?"
"Because they suck."
"You're wrong."

Tonight I was beautiful. And you missed it. Tomorrow I will be beautiful once more, but you won't be given the opportunity to miss it.

If it's not what you want, tell me. I'll walk away right now. I've always known, and I won't settle for less anymore. The familiarity drives me insane and at the same time, it is exactly what keeps me. I have options, and I finally finally like someone new! It's taken me forever to get to this place. I don't claim to have it all figured out and I never have. But you are supposed to like my laugh and you are supposed to enjoy making me happy. Because what sort of relationship is based upon tearing one another down? Be better. Be better. Because I won't take any less.

"Are you still listening?"

It was probably just a dream. One where you grab me close and kiss me in the rain. You kissed my nose and wouldn't let me go. You tasted sweet, like watermelon. And you held me tight and we shivered as the rain beat down on my soaking wet hair. Drops of water fell in my eyes, forcing me to blink and then there you were again. On my lips, smiling like I had always seen you smile before. I like to imagine that you were happy, happy in a warm way. But all I keep thinking is... it wasn't real. It wasn't real. It was NOT real.

You're burned into my head.

On days like these, when everything seems to be killing me, I have a looksy at your page just to twist the knife in my gut a little more. It's safe to say we're strangers. Fuck my stupid heart. If I could, I would rip it out of my chest and put it under my mattress. For safe keeping, of course, because I feel like everyday I get a little more jaded. A little more lost. A little more doubtful of everyone I meet. And you never asked why or when it'll ever stop. You know it won't and there is comfort in that for you... and for me. Comfort in the tears and your heart's missing beats.
"Let's compare scars. Mine are worse. ;)"
"P.S. I think that means you love me."

Save the whales.
Save the trees.
Save your aluminum.
Save your plastic too.
Save time.
Save your breath.
Save your mother Earth.
Save the liars.
Save money.
Save your bottle-caps.
Save the music.
Save the furry animals.
Save the broken hearts.
Save the photographs.
Save yourself.
And if you can... save me too.

"Maybe we're just a story we like to tell each other?"

"So why do I see a glorious fucking head-fuck thing?"

Jonezy!!!! Oh I am so ashamed of myself right now.... So so so ashamed! But being that this is my fancy dancey boggy blog and I can do whatever I please with it... I am going to confess my shameful shameful thing I did and just hope that I don't become a big joke to all you beautiful people that follow me. Sooo here goes... Being the silly self involved (But really not so self involved) girl that I am... somehow I just, and I mean just found out that people have been commenting on my posts for the last 2 years!!! ;( I feel soooooooo silly and upside-down and catty-wampus, (though no one seems to know what that word means. I think my mom made it up and told it to me when I was younger, so I just assumed it was real and still to this day continue to use it, in all it's plasticity) because I have often felt that my words were just going out into the infinite abyss not to be read by anyone other than my sweet best friends, who only read them out of obligation or nosiness, I'm sure. But today I found a couple dozen comments from a couple different people that never received a response from me... to those people.... I am so unbelievably sorry and embarrasses. I was quite flattered by the words that you all left for me so I also would like to say thank you! And I'd like to mention that I am thinking of creating a Tumblr account so possibly look forward to that! Sorry again! -Bee

"... because how long did I look at you like a goddess?"

Waiting for the beat to drop. Drop. Feel it crawl up my spine. Studder step. Bop Bop Bop. Shoulder roll. Vibrations out my fingertips. My eyes closed. Head bob. Left right. Right left. Spin. Twirl. Trip. Slip. Grip. Grab. Pull. Hold. Slide. Bottom lip, teeth, bite. Shake. Shake. SHAKE. Stop. Wait for the beat to drop. SHAKE. Shake. Shake. Bite, teeth, bottom lip. Slide. Hold. Pull. Grab. Grip. Slip. Trip. Twirl. Spin. Right left. Left right. Head bob. My eyes open. Vibrations out my fingertips. Shoulder roll. Bop Bop Bop. Studder step. Feel it crawl down my spin. Drop. Drop. Drop.

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." ~Aristotle ♥

I wished I lived in Aristotle's time. They don't make thinkers like him anymore. Hahah I'm going to name my first son after him. ;)

Abracadabra, Wow!

I like boys with heart and girls who think.
I like the sound of the tv on mute.
I like dancing when no one is watching.
I like when people touch my cold face with warm hands.
I like writing letters.
I like falling asleep in someone's arms.

I like waffle sandwiches.
I like Aristotle.
I like crying hard after months of holding it back.
I like laying in the grass on a warm day.
I like watching Jersey Shore with Heathy.
I like my fotografs.
I love driving with the top down and the music loud.
Today I tried to do a lot of things and failed miserably
In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Because even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate that everyone is somewhere else.
I hate unrequited love.
I hate that I'm not correct as often as I think I am.
I hate discussions about the economy and world issues.
I hate that there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I want. Especially when the only thing I want to do for the first six hours of the day is nothing at all.
I hate that I can't invent a relationship.
I hate missing people, but in a way, what else would I do everyday?

I hate when it looks like it is going to rain and there is all that moisture in the air that makes my hair go poofy, but I can't use an umbrella to protect my hair because it's not quite raining and what kind of idiot walks around with an umbrella when it's not even raining.

I hate when I want to talk to someone, just to tell them about this incredible thing, and I can't. Maybe because they've moved on and forgotten about me, or hate me now, or they no longer take breaths on this earth. Either way I can't talk to them and I really really hate that.
I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.

Take your time,
Think a lot,
Think of everything you've got.
For you may still be
Here tomorrow,
But your dreams may not.
-Cat Stevens

There's a little something I like about everyone. The list is longer for some, but everyone I know at least has one thing I quietly adore about them. I was thinking about this today when I was looking in the mirror, strangely enough. Noticing all my blemishes and the irritated ring around my freshly pierced lip, the greasy spot on my forehead and the shaggy look my bangs took to after being beaten by the unforgiven wind. Then I stepped back and smiled a little as I tousled my bangs around as if it wouldn't only make things worse, thinking to myself..."Hey you're ok. You're doing just fine." And that's where I came up with this idea. I love that... Mego always has my back, she's always two steps ahead of me and always there to tell me what I don't wanna hear. I love how... Heathy is so resilient. She can pick herself up and out of any bad situation and more times than not she picks me up too. I love that Fabey and I can be anywhere doing anything and it's all fine. I can snort, barf , burp, or cry in front of him and he'll never freak. I love that Ky never gives up trying. He can be handed the worst cards and still he'll take them and do something great with them. I love that Ashy knows exactly who I am. She can show up after months of not talking and quickly put all the puzzle pieces together and head straight in for damage control with a heart-felt motivational speech, reminding me just how great I am and why I must keep pushing forward. I love that Toph eats off my plate at dinner. I love that Brana gets that pretty colors, sweets, sparkles and other cutesey stuff are all very important parts of life for freebirds like us. I love that Jake {Bunny} can go days without speaking because he's just that content. I love that LeahLeah owns her promiscuous reputation like it's nobody's fucking business who she bones. Because really it isn't. I love that RissaLou is so small yet so mighty. I love that Baby Louis will never give up on finding love. I love that Hollis rocks her sexy curls and isn't afraid to let loose in front of anyone. I love that LisaBelle is just like me when it comes to matters of the heart. We both know that you don't get to choose who you love. And for the sake of honesty... I love that Ali could always make my smile with his goofy black-man voice. And I also love that Jacob taught me so many things about life that I probably would have never learned otherwise. That being said... I'm pretty sure I will always feel this way about these things and these people regardless of whether they're in my life or not and for that I can surely be glad. Because at least I've got that.

"It's not the same. It's not the same. You are not the same."

Today my skin itches. I am an independent being. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I don't need anyone at my bedside when I am ill and I don't need to know that you care with flowers. I am smart. I am sassy. I am strong. Stronger than you may think and I am so unique. You'll never find anyone like me. Never and nowhere. I am all my own. I sleep in my panties because I'm most comforted by 3 heavy blankets on my bed but the addition of sweatpants just makes me sweat. I like to lift my hands during worship in church, mostly when I know the lyrics to the song and I can feel love growing inside my chest. I smile in church too. I promise myself no sweets and I cheat. I dream about cupcakes. I cry because all my favorite people are just too far away from me and there is nothing I can do to change that. I have two boxes of tissues in my room because I found that having two was far less work than one. I dance when my phone rings. I like to feel, and I love people who feel too. I have never found more pleasure in my life than when I look at someone and they just know. They know everything that's wrong or right and they know just what to say or not to say. I am an independent being and I like things my way. But when I love you. When I truly love you, I'll like things your way too. But then how independent does that make me? So I've remained single, mostly because when I love I give away piece of myself and I don't know how to successfully go on being an independent being all while whole-heartedly loving anyone other than myself. This whole damn world is full of vicious circles... you break me, I break you back and it will stay that way until the day when it's not. Until we all figure out that it's not about getting even it's about letting go and loving regardless of the circumstances. Thank you to those who have loved me regardless. It has meant more than everything to me.

We waste a lot of fucking time pretending. A lot of fucking time! I don't know or care about any of it. Take all the bullshit and scrape it off the surface of everything then hand me the broken remains. Hand me the truth and I'll do my best to decode. But I can't take another day of bullshit. Another day of "Soo What's Up?" Another minute of empty glances that last just mere seconds. Give me your thoughts without words. Give me your history, your life... give me what makes you who you are and I will keep you. I will keep you. I will keep you. I don't want to fake it anymore.