Remember when I was clear and concise? Well let me be that again.

Most definitely looking for something.

"Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire.... Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It's real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you've suddenly become an idiot. There's no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help."

- Charles Bukowski

Dear Freebird,
You and I are most definitely in a tiff. I am furious with your half-ass attempts today. What the hell were you thinking! And once again, you let it slip. Slip through your fingers, like a ladybug or a slimy lizard. Ahhh! It is not very often we find this sorta thing. It's not very often that we feel this comfortable in our own skin around strangers. You are insane! Insane! This is going to haunt me for weeks.
Sincerely,
Hindered Wings

"Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way to fairly
Well it's a shame it's a dream
All I wanted was you
I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
And maybe then we'd remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts
All I wanted was you"

"Human beings are different. Civilization is based on the repression of instincts. When we act contrary to our instincts, that's when things get interesting."

J

"Give us the strength to remember that we are all fragile. We are all vulnerable. We will all at some point in our lives, fall. We will ALL fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us and when it is taken, we will be tested. We will be tested in our very soles. It is these times, it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves."

"I believe in the Notion of Love, but not love itself. You would be ignorant to believe something could last forever, when in reality nothing does. So never love thinking it will last forever. Love like it could be gone the next day."

That is all I needed. It's enough. It feels good. That unspoken truth revealed about the feelings people feel for one another. It's comforting to know that even though big romantic gestures don't happen very often, that doesn't mean that people don't care. I think we all get a little to washed up in the idea that if someone gives a shit about you then they should show you every single day. Well fuck that! We seem to forget about the fear of rejection or bad timing. Love is not always stronger than doubt. I think grasping at the simple fact, that there is more to life than romantic entanglements, will lead people to live much more fulfilling lives. It's at least worth a shot right?

"Human relationships were strange. I mean, you were with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stopped. Then there was a short period when you weren't with anybody, then another woman arrived, as if you had been waiting just for her and she had been waiting for you. I never felt right being alone; sometimes it felt good but it never felt right."
-Charles Bukowski

My muscles twitch here and there. A sneeze, a sniffle, but I'm not nearly sick. My hands are wrinkled in the shadows and my elbow is sore. I'm messy in the brain and that's where I like to be. I take it all in and I understand about half of it whole-heartedly. The other half, I know is true but I can't force myself to latch onto just yet. He has it right. And all I wanna do is write about tragic love stories with no happily ever afters. Something real. Not sad or depressing just true. I tie my hair in a knot at the crown of my head and pet my dog between his ears, I inhale slowly. I think it all over and feel myself slipping. It's not the same anymore. I'm not the same anymore. I've grown a thicker skin and no longer do your lines scar me. I knew it all, already. I want to be removed from the situation completely and forget I ever knew you. It was all for nothing anyways. I've learned a lot from you but not enough good has come from it all. Instead you taught me best how to doubt myself and for that I will never forgive you completely. A sorry sad person you are for reeling me in all those times, for what? Another waste of time and it was all over far to quickly. I'll go on and write stories about you and the many other broken souls I crossed paths with. Chills will shiver down the spines of every reader, with sympathy and pity that follows closely. I wanna say that this is it. I wanna say I've given up on the dream. And maybe one day real soon, I will be able to to that. Today though, today I just want to wrap myself in someone new who appreciates all the things that you never could.

"Surely all this is not without meaning." - Herman Melville

B: We'll see, I donno if i'm that gutsy.
A: I donno Bess, I think you're pretty gutsy.
B: What?! Really?!!
A: Yea, I mean you say whatever you want, you do whatever you want, that sounds pretty gutsy to me.
B: Oh, wellllll, I guess so. But that's juss cuz I'ma Freebird.
A: Nah being a Freebird is a choice, for you gutsiness just comes natural. It's like in your DNA or something.

"Champagne in plastic cups
Waiting for the big hero to show
Outside the door he stands
His head in his hands
And his heart in his throat
What can he tell 'em now?
'Sorry I let you down
Sorry it wasn't quite true'
But don't get hung up on it
Just soldier on with it
And good luck with shootin' the moon

Shootin' the moon"
-OK GO

Goal for tomorrow: Think up some ridiculously silly habit to add to the amazingness that twenty ten is bringing me. Oh Baby! I can hardly wait! It's time to make a new Live Better list! =) Stay tuned!

This time... I actually said it.

Her: "Wanna know something deep?
Him: "Sure."
Her: "I'm a messy in the brain kinda girl and I never want the same thing for very long. I change my mind all the time, but I haven't changed my mind about wanting to be around you in a loooong time. And I'm not saying this for any reason, I was just like 'woah'."
Him: Awww
=)

It's Okay.