"Human relationships were strange. I mean, you were with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stopped. Then there was a short period when you weren't with anybody, then another woman arrived, as if you had been waiting just for her and she had been waiting for you. I never felt right being alone; sometimes it felt good but it never felt right."
-Charles Bukowski

My muscles twitch here and there. A sneeze, a sniffle, but I'm not nearly sick. My hands are wrinkled in the shadows and my elbow is sore. I'm messy in the brain and that's where I like to be. I take it all in and I understand about half of it whole-heartedly. The other half, I know is true but I can't force myself to latch onto just yet. He has it right. And all I wanna do is write about tragic love stories with no happily ever afters. Something real. Not sad or depressing just true. I tie my hair in a knot at the crown of my head and pet my dog between his ears, I inhale slowly. I think it all over and feel myself slipping. It's not the same anymore. I'm not the same anymore. I've grown a thicker skin and no longer do your lines scar me. I knew it all, already. I want to be removed from the situation completely and forget I ever knew you. It was all for nothing anyways. I've learned a lot from you but not enough good has come from it all. Instead you taught me best how to doubt myself and for that I will never forgive you completely. A sorry sad person you are for reeling me in all those times, for what? Another waste of time and it was all over far to quickly. I'll go on and write stories about you and the many other broken souls I crossed paths with. Chills will shiver down the spines of every reader, with sympathy and pity that follows closely. I wanna say that this is it. I wanna say I've given up on the dream. And maybe one day real soon, I will be able to to that. Today though, today I just want to wrap myself in someone new who appreciates all the things that you never could.