I want to write an autobiography, as vain as it sounds... I want to tell my story. More than anything so that I can show my true self, messy, dirty and straight to the core. As I sit here thinking about the places I've been, I can't help but wonder about all the places that are to come. And I'm very much excited for them but I'm realizing once again that I can't rely on anyone person for consistencey, which is an extreme disadvantage but one I'm being forced to come to terms with. I'd like to clear away all my attachments, all but maybe two or three people (M&K) and just start fresh with new people and new ties and new beginnings. I'm so exhausted on being let down and I'm so horribly worn out from biting my tongue about it. It should be ok for me to let you know that I think your an asshole for not returning my call or responding to my attempt to reach out to you, unless it's convenient for you. It should be ok for me to be upset. But apparently it isn't. We (or at least I) live in a world where supressing our emotions is the norm. Communication is not welcomed unless it merely scratches the surface of the truth, to go deeper than that would just be uncomfortable. What is completely unfathomable about this for me is that we ALL want More! We all sit around, complaining about how we never really know anyone or how we thought we new them and they completly shocked us. A little secret, people rarely change. I mean the odds are seriously stacked against you, really. We are all exactly who we are, always. And everyone hides it like its a bad thing to have flaws. Hellooooo! Be real already! Tell the world who you are, show us your scars, and if the world doesn't love you for them then you know I sure as fuck will. I need a revolution. We all do, really. This society is a shit hole, and you can bet your bottem dollar that I will not be residing in California for the entirety of my life. Surely there must be more out there, otherwise why would I have thoughts like these. Arggg... I need more. I need something to hold on to.
Australia? Alaska? Washington? North Carolina?"Isn't it ironic that we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."