There are times when I doubt whether I could be happy with anyone. It's almost as if the concept is completely foreign to me. I've always gotten what I wanted, then proceeded to unveil a new want. So knowing full well of this extreme character flaw, today I thought about making a commitment to myself, to not make commitments to anyone else. Then the loneliness took over me and I felt desperate, which is obviously another one of my character flaws (I'm discovering more and more of these every day). Desperation was followed by fear or maybe driven by it, either way I was overcome with the thirst to be with my own somebody. However, this thought confirmed my first thought. I should not be looking for a somebody, I need to deal with the loneliness firstly and separately. Because even though the lack of a somebody appears to correlate with the abundance of loneliness, in reality the two are seriously unrelated. I just need to reassure the bird that we are whole and complete on our own. In other news, I am checking out and attempting to apply to 3 colleges. This is big news! The indecisive girl is finally making some decisions. San Diego State University, Cal State University of San Marcos, and Cal State University of Fullerton are all looking semi appealing to me at this point and I'm extremely excited. We'll see whats to come, but starting Friday I am going on an anti-romance kick. Maybe I'll actually start getting some things done. Conquering getting a new job is this months goal!