A Repost if You Will

This was me a year ago! "Today my skin itches. I am an independent being. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I don't need anyone at my bedside when I am ill and I don't need to know that you care with flowers. I am smart. I am sassy. I am strong. Stronger than you may think and I am so unique. You'll never find anyone like me. Never and nowhere. I am all my own. I sleep in my panties because I'm most comforted by 3 heavy blankets on my bed but the addition of sweatpants just makes me sweat. I like to lift my hands during worship in church, mostly when I know the lyrics to the song and I can feel love growing inside my chest. I smile in church too. I promise myself no sweets and I cheat. I dream about cupcakes. I cry because all my favorite people are just too far away from me and there is nothing I can do to change that. I have two boxes of tissues in my room because I found that having two was far less work than one. I dance when my phone rings. I like to feel, and I love people who feel too. I have never found more pleasure in my life than when I look at someone and they just know. They know everything that's wrong or right and they know just what to say or not to say. I am an independent being and I like things my way. But when I love you. When I truly love you, I'll like things your way too. But then how independent does that make me? So I've remained single, mostly because when I love I give away piece of myself and I don't know how to successfully go on being an independent being all while whole-heartedly loving anyone other than myself. This whole damn world is full of vicious circles... you break me, I break you back and it will stay that way until the day when it's not. Until we all figure out that it's not about getting even it's about letting go and loving regardless of the circumstances. Thank you to those who have loved me regardless. It has meant more than everything to me."

And this is still me today... Very few things have changed. I still cry because all my favorite people are too far away and I still give away pieces of my heart. The difference is... someone gave me a piece of his heart this past year. He's my match, my missing part, my everything. He loves me even when I'm most difficult, because he "loves me all the time not just when we're getting along." He knows I "need the most love when I'm pissed at him." And that's how you break the vicious cycle, you find someone who loves you as dearly as you love them. You learn compromise. Give and take. You give it all you have got and you take what you're given. And it fills you because you know the point is not winning. You've already won. The point is that you realize that it's not about what you want but what your relationship needs. My faith has been a large part in getting me here. Its also a big reason why I haven't posted in so long. But there is no reason why I can't have both. I think I'll be needing both.