Fresh Start

The amount of time that has pasted and the alarming speed it went at, is heart breaking. There is so much that we've missed together, but as you know very well.... life does not stop and wait for any of us. Dreams came true, of course not in the ways that we imagined them to. Hearts were changed, for the better but also for the worst. But happily I say, I am still your free bird. As I float through the ideas of where I want to go, what I want to do, and who I want to do it all with I am faced with some overwhelming thoughts to do with how lost I am and have been. Then I take a breath and realize this is where I have always been. There is this little thing that has a strange way of sneaking up on me. Sticking like gum to my shoe. It is there even when I'm not aware and each step I take, there is a bit that goes with me to the next step and the many that follow. I don't know what to call it though... it's all the things that make up who you are... your dreams, your fears, the scars from your past and the hidden desires that we are ashamed to admit. It's me. It's you. It's who you were yesterday and who you will be a decade from now. This part does not go away. In me... my part is this... being lost... looking for more... how to be better... how to be stronger... how to help... how to not try to help. There is more but its not relevant. However what I am saying is... I don't want to be afraid of this anymore. This place I speak of. I've tried over and over to turn it off. Telling myself that its ugly, that it can be fixed, that I'd be better off without it... but I wouldn't. I would be someone else... or no one. Without it what would make me unique? What would make me whole or complete? So I'm telling you this is mine. My place. My sticking gum on my shoe. I'm back. And I'm here to stay. Life is not a race... it's a journey!