It's not the little things, no. It's not the big things either. It's the everyday things. The comforts and the ironies. This skin, I feel comfortable in. I know what I want. Know what I don't want. Know that making it happen, is where the beauty lies. And I'll talk, in and out of my ass for days and get nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Hello? Are you listening? I don't think so, but I don't know so.
I don't think I want children. I mean I do. But I must know the secret to raising obedient, well- rounded children beforehand. I do like their little hands. And that they need you. And how insanely smart those little creatures are. I don't know, I really do wanna make babies with him. And see him transform. But maybe it's not him I see. Maybe the picture is just fuzzy and it slightly resembles that juicy-lipped man, but it's not really him at all. I can't wait for the picture to clear up. I can't wait for all my pieces to fall together into place. Maybe it won't make sense. Maybe it won't be all that less fuzzy, but it'll feel right. And I'll put my faith in it.
Juicy-lipped man phoned me today. He wanted to talk. About anything. Just to hear the sound of my amusement at the fact that all he cared to do was tell me that he would be at a show tonight. And to be safe. He worries. He's protective. He won't say it every time, but sometimes he lets me trick him into feeding me compliments and words of comfort. "It was cute." I love when he says cute. Or when he approves my choice of greeting. Finding the classic nick name to do the trick. He's all I ever write about. No wonder I am so fucked up.
Shaved-guns man will soon be under my spell. During a night of drunken arguments I convinced her to give me the ok. Sure there are circumstances, but nothing I can't work out. And in doing this, it'll put me in more situations of humor with my Man-Bestfriend/Manfriend-on-the-side. We've got to work on his secret keeping tho. I realize now, that these sort of boundary-filled relationships give me thrills. The second the boundary is crossed however, I loose all interest. So therefore this boundary-filled relationship will not be crossed for all the obvious reasons as not so clearly stated above. I love it though. I leave with a smile every time.
I told my bigger-breasted-than-me friend last night that if you can't find something you need in one person, look for the things you seek in another. Understand that the person you donate a numerous amount of your time to, may not be able to give you every thing, but they do the best to offer what they can. Don't try to mold them into something they are not. Instead take what they give and find another person who can give the rest or multiple other persons. If you plug all your chords into the same outlet your bound to blow a fuse eventually. Try out some of the other outlets around the house, you might find that things run a little better when distributed a little more precisely. (Hope the metaphor makes sense.) I liked this though. I surprise myself sometimes with the absurd things that leak from my teeth.
I took a deep relaxing breath today. I'm beginning to think that family doesn't have to equal drama or carry the harsh hidden meaning of the word. Maybe in caring less I have found more peace. Maybe. I don't worry much about it. Or put much thought into the comfort of these people. There's nothing in my hands anymore and that's just where I want to be.
Confession: I'm filled with envy over my sorta step-sister's B-frienn. He's quite delicious, among many other creative words that come to my mind. But I will refrain because it's wrong to covet thy sorta step-sisters man. It's okay though. I'll take it like this. There is hope that the kinda man I'm seeking truly does exist. And not only in my fairytale-like dreams. ;)
This is the last week. That's it. Just 2 finals. And 2 papers. Then it's shopping, baking, smiling, sleeping, cuddling by the fire that makes your cheeks hot and laughing with my people that make life just a little easier to enjoy.
Must mail my holiday cards tomorrow!
I don't think I want children. I mean I do. But I must know the secret to raising obedient, well- rounded children beforehand. I do like their little hands. And that they need you. And how insanely smart those little creatures are. I don't know, I really do wanna make babies with him. And see him transform. But maybe it's not him I see. Maybe the picture is just fuzzy and it slightly resembles that juicy-lipped man, but it's not really him at all. I can't wait for the picture to clear up. I can't wait for all my pieces to fall together into place. Maybe it won't make sense. Maybe it won't be all that less fuzzy, but it'll feel right. And I'll put my faith in it.
Juicy-lipped man phoned me today. He wanted to talk. About anything. Just to hear the sound of my amusement at the fact that all he cared to do was tell me that he would be at a show tonight. And to be safe. He worries. He's protective. He won't say it every time, but sometimes he lets me trick him into feeding me compliments and words of comfort. "It was cute." I love when he says cute. Or when he approves my choice of greeting. Finding the classic nick name to do the trick. He's all I ever write about. No wonder I am so fucked up.
Shaved-guns man will soon be under my spell. During a night of drunken arguments I convinced her to give me the ok. Sure there are circumstances, but nothing I can't work out. And in doing this, it'll put me in more situations of humor with my Man-Bestfriend/Manfriend-on-the-side. We've got to work on his secret keeping tho. I realize now, that these sort of boundary-filled relationships give me thrills. The second the boundary is crossed however, I loose all interest. So therefore this boundary-filled relationship will not be crossed for all the obvious reasons as not so clearly stated above. I love it though. I leave with a smile every time.
I told my bigger-breasted-than-me friend last night that if you can't find something you need in one person, look for the things you seek in another. Understand that the person you donate a numerous amount of your time to, may not be able to give you every thing, but they do the best to offer what they can. Don't try to mold them into something they are not. Instead take what they give and find another person who can give the rest or multiple other persons. If you plug all your chords into the same outlet your bound to blow a fuse eventually. Try out some of the other outlets around the house, you might find that things run a little better when distributed a little more precisely. (Hope the metaphor makes sense.) I liked this though. I surprise myself sometimes with the absurd things that leak from my teeth.
I took a deep relaxing breath today. I'm beginning to think that family doesn't have to equal drama or carry the harsh hidden meaning of the word. Maybe in caring less I have found more peace. Maybe. I don't worry much about it. Or put much thought into the comfort of these people. There's nothing in my hands anymore and that's just where I want to be.
Confession: I'm filled with envy over my sorta step-sister's B-frienn. He's quite delicious, among many other creative words that come to my mind. But I will refrain because it's wrong to covet thy sorta step-sisters man. It's okay though. I'll take it like this. There is hope that the kinda man I'm seeking truly does exist. And not only in my fairytale-like dreams. ;)
This is the last week. That's it. Just 2 finals. And 2 papers. Then it's shopping, baking, smiling, sleeping, cuddling by the fire that makes your cheeks hot and laughing with my people that make life just a little easier to enjoy.
Must mail my holiday cards tomorrow!
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