The truth is that I don't, in the slightest bit, care about where this goes. I mean I could go there over and over and over again and still it would mean nothing cuz it's with you (or rather, not with him). And I now realize how wrong that is. So yes I said no to you tonight and yes I will say no to you many more times until it's my head and my heart! saying yes. Tonight, was not that night. From the second that I looked down at your shoes to the moment you finished your entirely too long rant about how you just realized you're a raging alcoholic, it was clear that saying no would be easier than I thought. "I usually get what I want," you said and I looked back at you and said "so do I". Besides, I already won once tonight, what makes you think my mind will be so easily swayed? Through all of your efforts and all of your attempts it was not your face I wanted to see. So basically I'm fucked. I want it. I don't want it. I want it. Why can't I make up my damn mind. No really! Why can't I just get over him? "I don't just want you once, I want you on a regular basis." Are you fucking kidding me? Story of my fucking life! Hello! I'ma pretty awesome girl! And if you can't recognize that then you are lost. And while you are most definitely lost... I'm sitting here waiting and trying to convince myself that saying no, to you and to him and to every other future him, is worth it. That something better will win out them all. I hope I'm not wrong. But I did listen to my instincts tonight! For the first time in a long time and I'm so glad that tonight this post is not about shame and guilt, but more about less of that haha. I like me way too much to let you ruin it. So grow up! And buy some new shoes. Cuz for me it's not about what you can do. It's about everything else.