"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it!"So I'm feeling stuck again. In a lot of ways I am sticking myself, but I'm becoming slightly more aware of it slowly. I gotta change it all again and as usual I'm afraid and also excited. Through a conversation with an ex I learned something about myself, he told me that I am constantly changing because I'm so afraid of becoming one of them. "One of your sisters, your mom, your dad..." the list goes on but he told me this and it sounds strange but it made me smile. He figured me out long before I ever had the idea spelled out in my head. And then I ran into this idea again yesterday at lunch with my adoptive aunt Michelle, she said "You love them, but you don't ever want to be like them." And that's it. The foundation for all of my behavior. The driving force in my life. Get out. Don't end up this way. Make something more out of your life. Love them, but also love you. Realize that your family will always be there, shit may get ugly, it may all come crumbling down but with family there is always another chance. But the same cannot be said for opportunities in your life.