Are there other people out there who think like me? I meant I've read about them. I've read many magical words that could have easily snuck out of my lips in my sleep but I've never met another person who simply understood me 100%. And you know, maybe that is what is real. You never really know anyone, you can never be in their head completely, you can never predict their next move and maybe that's how it should be. They mystery of not knowing is what drives us. Or is it the mystery of proving our expectations right? Shit I don't know. I'm so beyond lost I can't even understand what I am trying to say, let alone what I am thinking. But I'm sitting here eating my banana flavored yogurt, wishing I was from somewhere exotic or at the very least somewhere interesting where they, as a society, instill valuable lessons on morality and how to be self sufficient by the age of twenty, while I procrastinate on my art paper that is 4 days late and probably will not be accepted. I am sooooo fucking lost. I can't juggle my shit. And I can't start fresh. I can't move forward because I've left so much unfinished and I can't go back because time is evil and vindictive and thinks it to be funny when I try to rewind my life like a tivo box to try over what I didn't do right in the first place. The sad fact here is that I need to pass these classes that I keep ditching. I need to pass them to get out of this hell hole. But the hell hole is what's keeping me from passing. And I've spoiled myself. I've learned to treat myself often to the things that make me happy and in turn I have not learned how to be self sufficient by the age of twenty. And I also haven't learned to accept responsibility for my actions, I just keep making excuses for why shit sucks. Go fix yourself. Go fix yourself. Go fix yourself. How do you do it without the inspiration? I want to be me again but I don't know how to find her, or if I ever knew her at all. I'm going to turn the phone off. Deactivated the facebook. And hope to God that I can find some worth in my life. Cuz fuck! Something is wrong. None of this is enough.