I wish I could say I am done. That I've given up and surrendered to the fact that what I want doesn't really exist. But I haven't. I can't. I read this on another blog today and it moved me :"Maybe the happy ending is knowing that being who we are is good enough and that we can stand on our own two feet. Maybe its knowing that it's okay to be alone." I feel like I'm flirting with the idea of this constantly in my mind. Being alone and being fine with it. I want to give in so badly. Cuz chasing after what I want always turns out messy. I want to stop wanting. Stop having expectations. Stop wondering who people could be and start finding out who they already are right now without alternative intent. I just want to know you! I want to show you my magic and shine some light your way. So after many of the same repetitive internal arguments, I've come to the conclusion that in order to do this I've got to stop obsessing over the little things. Instead I need to learn to take in the big picture. The beauty in it all is not finding someone who likes your hair or your sense of style. It's finding someone who fits with you like a puzzle piece. Each of you with your own unique image on the surface but together you make something special. I want to tell you that I'm really trying to give up on you & me. I'd rather find something that fits me a little better. But the one thing that's holding me back, is the idea that maybe you'll see it when I've completely severed these ties that bind us. I've said it before. It's the timing that counts. Love is never enough if the timing is off. So I'm through playing the game and waiting. I'm done talking about what I want. I'm just finished with this phase. I'm ready to be alone. Not only that, I'm ready to be thrilled by my own independence.